The word „no“ is not easy for many, but introverts and highly sensitive people – especially. Paul Play Paul Paul gives them recommendations for building healthy borders and the ability to refuse others, protecting their interests.
“I have no problem saying“ no ”. Actually, this is my favorite word,-Paul Paul Subters. Being a psychotherapist, she works with highly sensitive people. – I will not go on a trip for three weeks to Antarctic with you and a dozen your friends. I will not do homework for you. I will not go to the party with hundreds of elderly hippies. I will not be your free psychotherapist. I will not volunteer 35 hours a week in your non -profit organization. I will not take your harmful, narcissistic bankrupt cousin to the business partners „.
The psychotherapist herself does not know why refusals are given to her so easily. Moreover, by virtue of the profession, she knows that many have difficulties with this. “Personally, my goal is to learn to say“ yes ”more often. But as a practicing psychotherapist working with introverts, I know what to say “no” is a whole problem ”.
Science calls this increased sensory sensitivity. Such people have a subtle, particularly sensitive central nervous system. They have a special tendency to empathy, they have developed intuition, many of them are gifted. This is the peculiarity of many introverts.
Difficult word „no“
Sensitive responsive people with developed empathy usually can perfectly solve problems. We can say that they know the answer before the question is asked. Often they have the necessary skills and understanding the situation. But even if you know how to solve the problem, are you obliged to solve it? Sensitive people often think yes.
Yes, you are endowed with special intuition and ability to feel others. But is this your duty – to constantly apply your abilities for the benefit of others? This can be very burdensome, especially if you, for example, work as a doctor or psychotherapist. Friends and relatives expect free consultations and help, customers call in the middle of the night. How not to help if a person may be in trouble?
You may tell you that you have a special gift – a blessing from above – and therefore you must use it. That you are in debt to the world, because you are born with such advantages. But is it really so? Many introverts and highly sensitive people are more likely to fall in a situation where you need to say no „.
Already in childhood you had to take out a lesson: the only way to stay safe is to ignore your needs
Not only are you faced with misunderstanding from others because of your intellectual, emotional and mental characteristics-you will also seem strange to someone because you prefer to plunge at home in watching
the BBC documentary instead ofAll watch the next match in the next bar. For choosing a trip to bookstores instead of an entertaining cruise. That you can see the birds alone instead of the holidays according to the „All inclusive“ system.
Perhaps you grew up in a dysfunctional family, where it was dangerous to say no or declare your desires and needs. Or maybe at an early age you were entrusted with care for your brother, sister or even parents. Already in childhood you had to take out a lesson: the only opportunity to stay safe – ignore or deny your needs and use your abilities in order to minimize psychological violence. And in this case, your psyche still seems dangerous to change the communication strategy.
The word „no“ makes you stronger
“Of course, your gift should be used for the good of others, share ideas and solutions with them, respond to calls for help in extreme situations,” the sample continues Paul Paul. – And yet you need a pause in difficult work to change the world. You need to build healthy boundaries and just be an introvert. Sometimes you need to provide others with the opportunity to save yourself and come to your own conclusions „.
If someone constantly saves someone, he will not learn how to do it himself. He will depend on the rescuer, instead of going his own way – through trial and errors.
Having learned to say no, you will save the strength for what is really important. Take care of your health in order to then support those who really need it. Having devoted time to healing your own injuries, you can become more solid physically, mentally, energetically and spiritually.
How to learn how to refuse
Paula sample recommends starting with small steps. For example, set the boundaries in communication with … your own dog. Evaluate future customers before agreeing to a meeting with them. Get away from the event. Generally not go anywhere. Provide someone else to head the parent committee.
First you can train say no on friends and relatives who will definitely understand you.
Pause before answers to any requests. Withstand the moment of tension when they contact you with something, and do not answer instantly. Say, for example: “Interesting. I need to think, I will give an answer later „. And then calmly decide. What do you feel, pondering the request? Anxiety? Fatigue? Exhaustion? If so, then your answer is most likely „no“.
Being an introvert, you need loneliness from time to time. So you restore resources. Introversion is not a defect, but your temperament. In it is your strength, reminds Paul Posel. Let yourself say no when you need to stay alone.